Chewing the Fat

I thought the title appropriate for a little trip into the world of dieting. My scale, as you can see, was patterned after the old 8 Ball toy. You remember, the one you shook and then turned over to read your fortune in the little window. Well my scale has a series of those sayings which appear in the window instead of your weight. I like it better than my previous scale but it can be a cruel reminder of my lack of resolve when it comes to eating. Just after Christmas it said, "Please dismount your horse before weighing yourself." For the past several months I have been a regular at the gym. Now, I can neither button up my shirt, nor get my arms into the sleeves. Another draw back of having your clothing made in Indonesia where Extra Large American Style cannot be envisioned. I am committed to making some headway and am eating a much more sensible diet. This morning for breakfast I prepared cheese toast to pour my coffee over. I used Sara Lee Oat bread and Colby Jack cheese. I sipped my coffee and nibbled on my piece of cheese toast. I took a bite and chewed, and chewed, and chewed. The content of my mouth seemed to get larger. My molars made no headway. I marveled at the amount of fiber Sara Lee apparently baked into her Oat loaf. After a while I decided to remove the mastication with my fingers. I discovered the little piece of paper used to separate the cheese slices melted between the cheese and the toast. I'll be more careful next time. That paper is tough. I once wrote a poem to describe the dieting regimen.

DIETING

No, low, free, light;
words I often see
when browsing through my pantry
or refrigerator door.

Let us have some lettuce
with our sprouts and tofu.

One more glass of water if you please.

Measure out a steak
no bigger than my palm
and I shall chew it slowly
while moving Brussels sprouts around.

Adjust the bathroom scale.
Move it ‘round the floor.
Take an average weight for best results.

One more glass of water if you please.

Do you have a public restroom?
I ask every where I go.

One more glass of water if you please.

How many times should one get up at night?

I wonder how much pressure
waistband closures can take?

Isn’t there a pill out that doesn’t make you shake?

One more glass of water if you please.

I’m fasting today.
I really think it’s water weight.

Dennis Price

Last Day as a Carpenter

As we get a little older, sometimes, as men, we don't think things through. Bebe and I are both determined to tone up and lose a little weight. I am way ahead of her in the "need to" department, but when she asks questions and makes comments during this period, I need to consider carefully my answers.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

When I was just a youngster, I often visited with my mother's parents. I don't know how old they were, but all their children were grown and gone. They lived in rural Mississippi in a Sears Kit house. By the time I remember anything of significance, they had moved the plumbing inside off the back porch. The back porch was enclosed and screened all around. It had a bed, washing machine, game cleaning table and a variety of other little shelves and pegs for hanging outer garments before entering the house. Just to the right as you entered the porch from the outside was an add on room that contained a sink, a commode, and a bathtub. I do recall years earlier having to wash at a standpipe outside, and using an outhouse, but progress was made and things were changing.

One of the new additions was an electric refrigerator. It was delivered in a large wooden crate. My granddad, having lived through the great depression was never one to throw anything away. I mentioned the outdoor faucet where we used to wash up, it had a 4' X 4' cement slab on the ground just in front of the standpipe to stand on when the water was in use. My granddad decided to make a shower stall using the wooden crate. He built it around the cement slab and configured a modesty offset at the entrance. He ran a water hose from the standpipe over the back side of the stall with a shower head attached. The back steps to the porch were fairly tall with a landing at the top. My grandad was a short Irishman and my grandmother was taller than he and weighed more. He stood outside and called to my grandmother to come out and see his handiwork. She came out and stood on the landing and looked to her left at the new edifice.
She said, "What is it Lonnie?"
He answered, "It's a shower stall Ida Mae."
She replied, "I don't think I'll be able to fit in that thing."
He snorted, "Well Ida Mae, the refrigerator came in it."

I was too young to know what, if anything, occurred later during their private moments together, but when I saw the cartoon posted above, I was reminded of that scene.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!

Country Music

Day five of the diet. Day five of the diet... did I already say that? Nothing like a day of bananas and skim milk to put your mind on full alert. Barb and I were moved to groom each other last evening. I went out to get the paper this morning and noticed my knuckles were dragging on the sidewalk. Today I get to eat a little beef. Well, I love a country song. Not just because I grew up in the South and have been exposed to them in a big way, but because they are about life. In most of them, you can actually understand the words (with a few exceptions in what currently passes for Country). Words and word play are also a big part of the success formula. My mother's two younger brothers were still at home when I was a kid, and I remember sitting in the front porch swing listening to them play and sing during the fifties. I have quite a few in my repertoire, and I have written and performed several of my own. I enjoy those singers who stay in touch with the roots of the genre. I like Merle Haggard, George Jones, George Strait, Alan Jackson, Randy Travis, and now Josh Turner. I have many more favorites, but those listed can interpret a song. That goes beyond just singing the words. They are able to add subtle bends to the notes to embue them with emotions from their own experience. I decided one night to write a song about Country Music and I am going to present it today in an ammended form more suited for reading.

Country Song

I remember when I was three
just sitting on my daddy’s knee
as I listened to him play in the key of D
a good old country song.
I strummed alone until I was ten
then I picked in a duo with my uncle Ben,
I love it now like I loved it then
playing good old country songs.

By the time I was twenty five,
I was picking in a country dive.
It’s a wonder I am still alive
playing good old country songs.
But every day when my work is done
I play my guitar just for fun.
I’ve memorized most everyone of
those good old country songs.

I love a country song,
soft or loud, short or long,
sung alone or done in harmony.
Fiddles whining, banjos ringing,
guitars strumming, people singing,
that’s country soul and it will
set your spirit free.

Now, I've loved that music my whole life long,
and I don't think that I'm alone,
so if you agree won’t you sing along
on the chorus of this country song?
Because whether I die on the land or sea,
before they start to carry me,
find someone and play for me,
a good old country song.

I love a country song,
soft or loud, short or long,
sung alone or done in harmony.
Fiddles whining, banjos ringing,
guitars strumming, people singing,
that’s country soul and it will
set your spirit free.

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. - William Feather

Thirty Minute Birding

This is our city library in Harlingen, TX.

And, the lake across the street from the library with one Black bellied duck walking the edge.

He was going to visit friends who had gathered for my photo.

Day four of the diet starts today. I woke early with leg cramps and crawled to my office to see what I could come up with for you. I am looking forward to a day of bananas and skim milk. The cleansing is over and I'm starting to replenish my potassium and calcium supplies. I took a walk on day two to keep from gnawing the leather arm covers on my office chair. I thought of all the birders who come by for a visit on occasion, and I took a few pictures, but they weren't really identification quality. I didn't see any Eskimo Curlews, or Ivory-Billed Woodpeckers, but I did see the Black Bellied Mexican ducks featured in the photos. I also saw Coots, Red Winged Blackbirds, Grackles, Green Jays, Cormorants, Snowy Egrets, Gulls, Mocking Birds, one Long Billed Curlew, and a few Turkey Buzzards. I'm trying to get some better photography equipment in the digital format so I can really whet your appitite. Oh, there I go again with one of those trigger words.

DIETING

No, low, free, light;
words I often see
when browsing through my pantry
or refrigerator door.

Let us have some lettuce
with our sprouts and tofu.

One more glass of water if you please.

Measure out a steak
no bigger than my palm
and I shall chew it slowly
while moving Brussels sprouts around.

Adjust the bathroom scale.
Move it ‘round the floor.
Take an average weight for best results.

One more glass of water if you please.

Do you have a public restroom?
I ask every where I go.

One more glass of water if you please.

How many times should one get up at night?

I wonder how much pressure
waistband closures can take?

Isn’t there a pill out that doesn’t make you shake?

One more glass of water if you please.

I’m fasting today.
I really think it’s water weight.

Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. - Bill Nye

Roads

Day three of the diet. I am a little light headed this morning. I will shave before I weigh this morning because my beard is very heavy. I used to have a motorcycle very similar to the one pictured above. Mine had a passenger seat, saddle bags, a sissy bar, and a luggage rack. I needed all the extras, because on occasion my wife travelled with me. She loved to ride, but it took a little more gear and prep time when we decided to ride together. I love backroads and highways that are no longer used by the main flow of traffic. When I went on my longer "Rideabouts", usually alone, I tried to find obscure little roads off of the Interstate highways to travel on. Some in my family thought I had become senile and encouraged me to sell the bike. I decided to try a Jeep as a substitute. I like my little red Jeep, but I can't help but miss the feel of the road beneath just two wheels. Maybe when I do get senile, I'll buy another motorcycle. I wrote a Country Song about the rambling life and I'll share an amended version as a poem this morning.

Heat Waves

Heat waves are rising from the pavement.
Reflections of my enslavement.
A wild and restless spirit’s got to roam, Oh Lord.
I’m a drifter just looking for a home.

Another winding road lies before me.
It’s something I’ve seen many times before.
And I wonder as I sit and watch the sun rise,
just where I’ll be when I see its final glow.

The cities I have seen go unnumbered,
and the faces of the people I don’t know.
I think one day that I might try and count them,
but for now I must get on my feet and go.

The road I travel sometimes bathed in sunlight.

At other times it’s covered up with snow.
I’ve even seen Alaska’s midnight sunshine,
and I’ve waded in the Gulf of Mexico.

One day I’ll walk that final highway.
Stretch my thumb out for that final ride.

Headed for that final destination,
and a place where I can lay my load aside.

But those heat waves keep rising from the pavement.
Reflections of my enslavement.
A wild and restless spirit has to roam, Oh Lord.
I’m a drifter just looking for a home.

Texas

Good morning America! Day two of the diet. Food adds on television are becoming more appealing. I may have the energy to take a long walk today. I think I'll go to the grocery and walk up and down the aisles. We are such wimps in this country when it comes to doing without food. I thought I would say a little bit about Texas today. Now, if I was a native Texan, I would say a lot about Texas. If you go south on the map to the very tip, you will see Brownsville. I live about 24 miles north. The King ranch, and all of its current divisions, runs north between McAllen and Brownsville to just south of Corpus Christi. I think it is about 850,000 acres. So when I tell you I am driving somewhere, I start with about two hours on the King Ranch. I will try and give you some of the most commonly thought of images that come to mind when you hear the name of the State. I was born in Mississippi, but when I graduated from college in the late sixties, my wife and I moved to Texas. At the time, Mississippi was paying school teachers about $3,800 per year. Texas was paying $5,200 per year. You do the math. I went into law enforcement after one year in the classroom. The job requirements were similar, but I got to carry a firearm in my new career. The big beef above is a Texas Longhorn photographed on the King Ranch. Out west in the Big Bend country, we have the Davis mountains. You have seen our part of the state in previous posts. We have lots of coastline on the Gulf of Mexico and east Texas is rolling hills and wooded.

The painting on the left depicts the Texas hill country in the spring. The center photo is Luckenbach, TX, and the photo to the right is a Texas hill country stream. The following information is borrowed and printed in abbreviated form. I do not know the author, but he is obviously from Texas.

Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle, the Gulf Coast, the Red River, and the Rio Grande, is as much a part of you as anything ever will be. As soon as anyone, anywhere the world over looks at it, they know what it is - TEXAS!! Pick any kid off the street in Japan, and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt, and he'll know what it is. What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You might get it, maybe after a second or two, but, even if you do, does it stir those feelings in you? In every man, woman, and child on this planet, there is a person who wishes just once he/she could be a real live Texan, and get up on a horse, or ride off in a pickup. There is a little bit of Texas in everyone. Did you ever hear anyone in a bar say, 'Wow...so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it?' Texas is the beautiful, warm beaches of the Gulf Coast, the towering shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas, Mexican food like nowhere else, not even Mexico. Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops seen under amazing sunsets of gold.

Because Texas is the only state in the United States that was a Republic BEFORE it became a state, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can; 1.) Fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. flag; 2.) Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the U. S. Capitol building in Washington, D.C.; 3.) We can divide our state into up to five smaller states at any time and, 4.) We have the option to secede from the United States, and again become The Independent Republic of Texas. To drive across Texas, is to drive 1/4 way across the United States. Everything is bigger in Texas! Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies, agriculture, and modern cities. The Texas Economy is the 5th largest in the World.

Many people from all over the country have found Texas. Our population is probably one of the most diverse in all the world. I hope you come for a visit one day soon.

This is one of those views which are so absolutely absurd that only very learned men could possibly adopt them. - Bertrand Russell

Dieting

I don't know anyone who, at one time or another, hasn't dieted. At one time in my life I thought I would never need to consider it, however, I have arrived at the age of lowered metabolism. I actually pay someone to paste little stickers in my progress booklet every week. The payment reminds me I need to keep going. I have been on almost every diet known to man in the years since I turned forty. I belong to a gym. I buy expensive exercise shoes, and I try and do some form of exercise everyday. I have lost fifteen pounds over the last three months on a program of healthy food choices and portion control. Even with the fifteen pound loss, I am at a weight where I started some of the other diets. I am determined to continue in spite of the seemingly slow progress. I have not reached the point of having to go to section two of my closet where my pants hang with the smaller waist size, but the large size pants I am wearing actually fit now. I wrote this poem to amuse those who have dieted, or are currently dieting.

DIETING

No, low, free, light;
words I often see
when browsing through my pantry
or refrigerator door.

Let us have some lettuce
with our sprouts and tofu.

One more glass of water if you please.

Measure out a steak
no bigger than my palm
and I shall chew it slowly
while moving Brussels sprouts around.

Adjust the bathroom scale.
Move it ‘round the floor.
Take an average weight for best results.

One more glass of water if you please.

Do you have a public restroom?
I ask every where I go.

One more glass of water if you please.

How many times should one get up at night?

I wonder how much pressure
waistband closures can take?

Isn’t there a pill out that doesn’t make you shake?

One more glass of water if you please.

I’m fasting today.
I really think it’s water weight.