Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Chewing the Fat

I thought the title appropriate for a little trip into the world of dieting. My scale, as you can see, was patterned after the old 8 Ball toy. You remember, the one you shook and then turned over to read your fortune in the little window. Well my scale has a series of those sayings which appear in the window instead of your weight. I like it better than my previous scale but it can be a cruel reminder of my lack of resolve when it comes to eating. Just after Christmas it said, "Please dismount your horse before weighing yourself." For the past several months I have been a regular at the gym. Now, I can neither button up my shirt, nor get my arms into the sleeves. Another draw back of having your clothing made in Indonesia where Extra Large American Style cannot be envisioned. I am committed to making some headway and am eating a much more sensible diet. This morning for breakfast I prepared cheese toast to pour my coffee over. I used Sara Lee Oat bread and Colby Jack cheese. I sipped my coffee and nibbled on my piece of cheese toast. I took a bite and chewed, and chewed, and chewed. The content of my mouth seemed to get larger. My molars made no headway. I marveled at the amount of fiber Sara Lee apparently baked into her Oat loaf. After a while I decided to remove the mastication with my fingers. I discovered the little piece of paper used to separate the cheese slices melted between the cheese and the toast. I'll be more careful next time. That paper is tough. I once wrote a poem to describe the dieting regimen.


No, low, free, light;
words I often see
when browsing through my pantry
or refrigerator door.

Let us have some lettuce
with our sprouts and tofu.

One more glass of water if you please.

Measure out a steak
no bigger than my palm
and I shall chew it slowly
while moving Brussels sprouts around.

Adjust the bathroom scale.
Move it ‘round the floor.
Take an average weight for best results.

One more glass of water if you please.

Do you have a public restroom?
I ask every where I go.

One more glass of water if you please.

How many times should one get up at night?

I wonder how much pressure
waistband closures can take?

Isn’t there a pill out that doesn’t make you shake?

One more glass of water if you please.

I’m fasting today.
I really think it’s water weight.

Dennis Price