Dieting

I don't know anyone who, at one time or another, hasn't dieted. At one time in my life I thought I would never need to consider it, however, I have arrived at the age of lowered metabolism. I actually pay someone to paste little stickers in my progress booklet every week. The payment reminds me I need to keep going. I have been on almost every diet known to man in the years since I turned forty. I belong to a gym. I buy expensive exercise shoes, and I try and do some form of exercise everyday. I have lost fifteen pounds over the last three months on a program of healthy food choices and portion control. Even with the fifteen pound loss, I am at a weight where I started some of the other diets. I am determined to continue in spite of the seemingly slow progress. I have not reached the point of having to go to section two of my closet where my pants hang with the smaller waist size, but the large size pants I am wearing actually fit now. I wrote this poem to amuse those who have dieted, or are currently dieting.

DIETING

No, low, free, light;
words I often see
when browsing through my pantry
or refrigerator door.

Let us have some lettuce
with our sprouts and tofu.

One more glass of water if you please.

Measure out a steak
no bigger than my palm
and I shall chew it slowly
while moving Brussels sprouts around.

Adjust the bathroom scale.
Move it ‘round the floor.
Take an average weight for best results.

One more glass of water if you please.

Do you have a public restroom?
I ask every where I go.

One more glass of water if you please.

How many times should one get up at night?

I wonder how much pressure
waistband closures can take?

Isn’t there a pill out that doesn’t make you shake?

One more glass of water if you please.

I’m fasting today.
I really think it’s water weight.