Saturday, April 12, 2008

Back to Bacon and Beans


Well if you visited the site earlier in the day and decided not to go through the archives as suggested, never fear, I have done it for you. I finally got back and now have the time to try and put this post together and get it posted with today's date. I learn something new everytime I get online to mess with these projects. Hope you have a great weekend.

Redneck Research:

After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, The News Paper, a local newspaper in Longview, Texas reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 12 feet in several corn fields near College Station, Bubba Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless.'

MAN’S MAGIC MENDER




I can’t recall the first time I employed this miracle fix all, but its use was suggested by my cousin V.L. who worked as a greeter at Wal-Mart.V. L. said, “Go down to Walmark and get you some duck tape.”It may have bound a broken gun stock, or secured my spinning reel to a rod with a lost set screw, but whatever it was I was hooked for life.I couldn’t imagine what “duck tape” might look like when I first went to purchase it. But the clerk directed me to the hardware section and showed me a large wide roll of gray tape. The sign near the display indicated that it was properly named “duct tape”. He told me it was used to seal duct work at the point where one section was joined to another.For years I thought my cousin V.L. had simply gotten the name wrong. When I got the tape home, I discovered that it was extremely pliable, very sticky, and unexpectedly strong. It could be torn easily into neat strips and applied in very even layers. If it needed to be padded, sealed, joined, or seen clearly, duct tape became my product of choice.I used duct tape to pad the handles on my tool boxes and fishing tackle boxes. I also used it to hold paper targets to their frames, repair leaking water hoses, and secure the loose heads of garden tools to their handles.When my wife’s car was rear ended in a minor accident, I used generous strips of duct tape to seal the warped trunk lid and broken tail light. I was proud of my temporary solution to a difficult auto body repair problem. However, my wife was not impressed and pressured me to get it repaired professionally.I dropped my guitar case from a luggage cart onto the tile floor at the hotel. The fall shattered some of the plastic skin on the narrow end leaving the Styrofoam foundation showing. As soon as I could get back to my garage, I tore off strips of the gray tape and covered the damaged section. I thought it gave the case the appearance of belonging to a well traveled musician. Once again, my wife was not as pleased. Later, however, when the guitar was stolen in a burglary, the duct tape became a unique identifier used by the police when they checked the local pawn shops.At Christmas no one ever had to read a label to determine which presents were from me. I thought the silver/gray duct tape went well with the tinsel hanging on the branches of our tree. My daughters lived in large apartment complexes at the time. One told me that all the packages for the residents at her apartment were stacked in a large room near the office during the Christmas season. She said as soon as she looked into the room she was able to see the one I mailed. The gray geometric patterns stood out from the rest like a beacon in a storm. Apparently women aren’t as fond of the tape as men. The girls have requested their mother be allowed to wrap all packages at our house in the future.The bonded leather cover on my bible was almost worn through. One strip of silver duct tape run down the entire length of the spine made it as good as new. I saw many people at church admiring my bible as we walked down the isle. My wife later suggested I purchase a new one.My love of the product was affirmed by the Miller Brewing Company when they aired a commercial for Miller High Life beer showing duct tape being used to repair an old refrigerator. In the commercial, it was referred to as “man tape”. I proudly pointed this out to my wife.I did an internet search and found a site, http://www.ducktapeclub.com/, and discovered the tape was originally developed during World War II by Permacell, a division of Johnson and Johnson and was used in much the same way as I use it. It was originally army green. After the war it was manufactured in its classic gray color and used to seal duct work. I also learned that Manco, Inc. now manufactures it under the product name “Duck Tape”. The site also contains a more complete history of its development under the title, “The Official History of Duck Tape”.“Sorry, V.L.”While watching the plethora of true crime, and fictional detective T.V. fare I noticed duct tape seems to be the binding of choice when securing victims’ hands and feet.My birddog, Clyde, once chewed a large hole in the black vinyl cover of my barbeque grill. I fixed it with gray duct tape. It took several layers of long strips to properly seal the tear. My wife suggested we buy a new cover. She thought the large silver patch clashed with our patio d├ęcor.Since the grill sits outside, the cover is subjected to the elements. The original patch eventually began to show some wear. I went to the store to buy some brads to fix an old wardrobe and just happened to walk down the aisle where the tape is displayed. To my surprise, I found duct tape is now manufactured in a variety of colors. I bought a roll of black and hurried home to fix the barbecue cover. My wife couldn’t believe how nice it looked. I also saw rolls of yellow and white.I am really looking forward to seeing the surprise on my girls’ faces when they see their Christmas presents next year.


Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE."Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to.Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately." He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown, you change with Schultz ...." "Change, now get on with it"A candidate may promise change in Washington but the stink remains.