Thursday, March 13, 2008

A View From The Top

The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish.
- Robert Jackson

I have once again been tagged with a task by a fellow blogger. They were impressed with my knowledge of Country Boys, Rubes, Rednecks, and the like, and after my post on the subject, started noticing them in their own town. However, since it is in the northeast, and the level of sophistication is higher there, they felt that my blog would be better suited to handle this kind of material. The very name of my blog says, "Not real serious." Some of my comments on your blogs are probably dragging down the serious intent of your information sharing experience; that's why they put a delete button on your computer. So, I will attempt to do this justice. I am sensitive to the varied likes and dislikes of my readers from around the world. I first noticed signs of northeastern redneck behavior when I received this photo from Maine. In it, the woman has been sent outside in the cold to shovel snow from the porch, so her significant other can have a clear path to the satellite dish. Satellite dishes are very important to most folks living in rural areas, both for better T.V. reception and as a status symbol. I let it go as an anomaly until I received the following photos from an anonymous source in the same area.

Proof positive that you have been invaded. The eggs have hatched and they are there. Here are some things to look for in identifying the unrestrained rednecks in your area; (don't forget to use the checklist on your on life.)

You might be a redneck if:
You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
You think fast food is hitting a deer/moose at 65.

These photos were the most disturbing. I read several blogs from the area, with comments, and I can tell you the majority of the populace is insensed. Based on the sign on the right, it is obvious that these folks aren't Democrats. Then to add insult to injury, they not only opened a bait shop, but a Master bait shop. Obviously Forrest Gump did have children and they are now living in Dixfield, Maine. Sell your property now before your housing values drop. I hope this serves as a caution to the rest of you. Check for the warning signs before it's too late. Down here we just say if you can't beat 'um, join 'um.