Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The FUB is Back in the Gym

In case you don't know what a FUB is, it is a Fat Urban Biker. Let me explain. My daughters have decided to go the personal trainer route to better fitness. I on the other hand have adopted the philosophy; "if it hurts don't do it." For my entire working life I was in jobs that required either work outs or hard physical labor. I am therefore just about used up in the exercise department. However, my eldest daughter paid good money for these work out sessions, and I wasn't about to let one go to waste. She was unable to attend due to circumstances beyond her control and my youngest daughter wanted me to go in her place. So at six o'clock P.M. on this fifteenth day of July in the year of our Lord 2008, I went to the personal trainer. I am writing this post tonight and will set it to auto post tomorrow because I have a strong feeling I will not be typing much tomorrow. I may not get out of bed without help tomorrow. I told that big Ox who was counting for me that if he killed me I would never come back. He assured me that he had never had a single death in any of the gyms he's owned. I asked if he could remember 911 and count at the same time. He said if he forgot he would call 1411 and ask the operator. I could not ask for weights lighter than what my daughter was using, so I had to opt for man weights. I hope you can read this - my hands are starting to shake. I must have looked a little peaked because about half way through, the trainer asked me if I felt nauseous. I lied and told him no. He said I needed to breath with every press. So after every set I asked him if I was still breathing and he assured me that I was. I told him I just wanted to take a little off the muffin top, and tighten up the moobs just a bit. I explained to him that I had anorexia, but was in remission. As I sit here and write, I am trying to decide whether to try the OTC variety pain killers, or go for the ones I got when I had a root canal. I hope my daughter appreciated what I did for her today by not letting her money go to waste.

People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. - Anatole France