Monday, December 1, 2008


I have been coughing for months now it seems. Actually it probably hasn't been that long, but it does seem to be hanging on. I believe we have been attacked by foreign terrorists but we just don't know it yet. They are positioned along the Canadian border with bags of coughing powder and, like surfers waiting for a wave, they await the arrival of the next cold front . At just the right moment, they spew the tiny particles of coughing potion into the air and let it ride across the lower forty eight. Every where I've been lately people have been coughing. In the old days when everybody smoked, we had a valid reason for hacking our lungs up. But now, we have socially engineered our society to the point of perfect health and don't expect to hear such cacophony. I am reticent to go to Church, entertainment venues, restaurants and the like because it sounds like the emphysema ward at the Chest hospital. I use the disinfectant wipes at the grocery store, and I have washed my hand until they are rough to the touch but still I am inclined to get the latest coughing bug. I know when I'm not coughing, I hate to hear others cough. It is the signal all is not healthy here. And its not just coughing, it is all the other stuff that results from coughing. It is dangerous for people my age to cough too much. Our "O" rings are not in the best shape and all sorts of embarrassing things can happen. I love my grand kids, but they are little germ factories. They always want to slobber right on your face. They too seem to have little respiratory problems on a regular basis. My daughter just brings the medicine they don't use to my house so I can take it. I am going to use the breathing machine in a little while. They burn sugar cane here at this time of year and I just took a four mile walk. I'm sure I breathed enough sugar cane burn residue to give me the black lung during my exercise session. I am getting short of breath just typing this. If you are having similar problems, I suggest you contact the Department of Homeland Security and let them know your theories. I would, but they have my name on a special watch list and many times they refuse to pick up when I call.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. - Robert X. Cringely